


The Law Man

by bluebellsandcocklesshells



Series: 642 Prompts [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Out of Character, Police Officer!Dean, This is borderline crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 11:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6751525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluebellsandcocklesshells/pseuds/bluebellsandcocklesshells
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Prompt 9 of 642: Write about a time you broke the law.</p>
    </blockquote>





	The Law Man

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt 9 of 642: Write about a time you broke the law.

Dean nodded as he pretended to listen to Benny talk about the “amazing” thing Andrea had done yesterday and got too much catsup on his french fries.  As he raised the fries to his mouth, a large blob of the thick red sauce slipped off the end and splattered on the table top barely missing his pristine blue uniform.  He made a face and grabbed one his brother’s napkins to wipe the mess up before it oozed over the edge of the table.  Sam didn’t notice (or didn’t care) because he was messing with his phone.  As usual.

“You need a date, brother,” Benny said for about the hundredth time in a month.  “But you never go out and meet people.  All you see all day are criminals and my handsome mug.  What exactly is it going to take to get you to go on an honest to God date?”

“Well there’s an idea: maybe I should date a criminal.”

Dean turned to his brother to end the conversation with Benny.  “You know, Sammy, I’m so glad we have these weekly lunches together to catch up.  Otherwise I’d never know what you’re up to,” he said sarcastically.

“What?  Oh, sorry.”

The kid was a sophomore in college, so Dean didn’t blame him for being obsessed with “being connected,” but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be annoyed by it.

“It’s just that my favorite web series released its video early today because they’re doing it live.”

A video began playing on Sam’s phone.  It wasn’t loud, but Dean glanced around to make sure he wasn’t disturbing anyone.

“Turn that off.  I’m sure they’ll record it.”

“But I think they’re doing Maryland today,” Sam said.

“What?”

“What show is it?” Benny asked.

“It’s called _Weird Laws That Are Weirdly Still on the Books_.”

“Never heard of it,” Dean said and reached up a hand to silence the radio on his shoulder as a burst of static escaped from it.

“It’s about this guy named Gabriel and his crew—who are all related to him somehow, siblings or cousins or something—and they go to different states and find these really weird obscure laws and then break them.”

“Why?” Dean asked.  “What’s the point?”

Sam shrugged.  “It’s funny.  Like, it’s things like in New Hampshire you can’t gather seaweed after dark.  Or it’s illegal to mispronounce Arkansas.  Like, nothing major.  Stuff no one would be arrested for in reality.  Or like, most people don’t even know they are laws on the books.  It’s just a bit of goofy fun.”

“Maybe someone should arrest them then,” Dean grumbled.

“Shh, shh!  They’re on.  They _are_ in Maryland this week.”

“How do they afford to—”

“Shh!”

Dean sat back, stunned by his shushing.  He listened to an incredibly smarmy voice talk about how in Maryland it was apparently illegal to sell non-latex condoms in vending machines.  He did his best to ignore the video, but then a second voice started speaking.  It was deep and gravelly and Dean leaned over to see who it belonged to merely out of cognitive curiosity and absolutely nothing else.  Unfortunately, it appeared that the second voice was the camera operator.  The smarmy voice belonged to a smarmy looking blonde with eyes that almost matched his hair color.

“But it’s a danger in and of itself!” Smarmy Guy said.  “What about people with latex allergies?”

“It’s probably more to keep people from selling sheep skin condoms,” Gravelly Voice replied.  “You might not get pregnant, but they do nothing against STD’s.”

“That’s why you only sleep with virgins,” Smarm said cavalierly.

“Jesus, Gabriel!” Gravelly let out a surprised bark of laughter.

“Anyway, we are here in _glorious_ downtown Silver Spring.”  Dean could hear the mockery in Smarm’s voice and see it in his flat expression.

“Holy shit!” Sam burst out.  “They’re like, right here!  Let’s go see them!”

He pushed on Dean’s shoulder, but he refused to release Sam from the booth.

“Do you know how hard it is to get a licensed vending machine in Montgomery County?” Smarm continued.  “I hope you all fully appreciate the legal hoops we went through to break a law today!”

Sam snickered and Dean made a face.  It’s not like he’d been the most law abiding citizen when he’d been a teenager, but he was a cop now.  A police officer for Montgomery County—and even if the law was stupid, blatantly breaking it for a web series was just obnoxious.  He wiped his mouth with a napkin.

“You wanna go see them, Sam?”

“Yeah!  Come on, they’re like literally right over there.”  He stood up on his feet the best he could while the table was trapping his thighs.  “I think I can actually see them.”

“Alright then.  Benny?  How about we go make an arrest.”

Benny chuckled and Sam’s jaw dropped.  “You wouldn’t.”

Dean just smirked at him and dropped a twenty dollar bill on the table.  Benny added another twenty and they put their hats on as they ambled toward the exit.  Sam scampered after them, torn between wanting to stop them and wanting to see how the show’s host would react.

~~~

“Now as you can see,” Gabriel said, and turned so that Cas would be able to get him and the vending machine in one shot.  Balthazar was holding their mini boom mic and Anna, Inias, and Rachel were doing their best to herd the curious onlookers to one side and watch over their equipment.  “This is my vending machine that I legally own and am licensed to have placed here just outside the parking structure in downtown Silver Spring.  It’s currently filled with Skittles and Cheez-Its and those gross raisins things Cas loves so much.”

“You mean raisins?” Cas asked.

“Yes.  Gross.  And now!”

Gabriel unlocked the glass front and pulled it open.  He loaded one of the slots with Trojan condoms and closed it back up.

“It’s a public health service as well.  Cheap condoms for boys and girls to be responsible with.  But, oh no, what’s this?  A polypropylene condom?  That’s not latex!”

Cas tried not to giggle as he looked at Gabriel’s face and wild gestures.  It was so unprofessional to hear the cameraman giggle during these segments, but he always broke down at some point.  Gabriel had a flair for the dramatic and a talent for hilarity.

His brother opened the vending machine again and stuck in three of the plastic based condoms.  He programmed in a cost, and then shut the front.

“There you have it!  Maryland Criminal Law Code…uh…Anna?”

“Ten dash one oh four.”

“Ten dash one oh four.  Sale of a non-latex condom by vending machine.  This is a misdemeanor and punishable by a one thousand dollar fine!”

The crowd around them was buzzing with laughter.  Castiel panned the camera a little to pick up their reactions.  Then he snapped his head up and raised his eyes from the view finder.  The two men in blue uniforms were not a figment of his imagination.  They skirted the edge of the crowd and came to stand next to Gabriel.  His brother was grinning and hamming it up for the camera, and then he noticed the cops.

“Oh, hey fellas.  Fans of the show?”

“Fans of the law,” one drawled in an accent that was definitely not from Maryland.

“And by your own admittance, you’ve just committed a misdemeanor.”

Gabriel wasn’t smiling anymore, but Cas really wasn’t picking up on the implications of what was going on because he felt like he’d just plunged into one of his weird porn fantasies where a super hot guy in a police uniform was about to offer to cuff him to the door of his police cruiser.

“Run!” Gabriel screamed.

His cousins scattered and Gabriel didn’t get far because he was grabbed by the big burly one.  The crowd started laughing and shouting, which pulled Cas out of his daydream.  Hot Cop spotted him.  There was a moment as they sized each other up.  Cas could see in the cops’ eyes that he was warning him not to run.  Cas considered staying because he wouldn’t mind finding out a lot more about Hot Cop, but he turned to bolt.  He got three steps before he felt two strong arms wrap around him from behind.  He struggled, but just enough to wiggle his ass against the cop’s crotch.  The man hissed at him to hold still, but he definitely didn’t pull away.

The two cops hauled Gabriel and Cas toward a police cruiser that was parked inside the pedestrian zone.  How had they not noticed the damn cop car before they had started filming?  He was blaming Inias for this; he was the location scout.

He was pushed roughly against the side of the car to be frisked.  He grunted softly, only a little embarrassed that he was enjoying the forceful treatment.  The cop leaned close, his masculine cologne tickling Cas’ nose and his breath warm on his neck.

“Sorry,” the cop said softly.  Which was already odd because Cas had been arrested a couple times before and cops never apologized for being rough.  “Too hard?”

Cas smirked at him over his shoulder.  “Not hard enough.”

The cop cleared his throat, clearly fighting a smile, and returned to frisking Cas.  He definitely groped him more than frisked him, but Cas was enjoying himself so he didn’t complain.  The officer’s hand grabbed his half-hard cock and leaned against his back to whisper in his ear.

“Packing heat?” he asked like he was talking about a frickin gun or something.

“Nothing illegal.  Unless seven and half inches is a crime, Officer…?”

The cop chuckled and released him.  “Winchester.  Dean Winchester.”

“Castiel Novak.  Known aliases include Cas and Angel Eyes.”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up.  “Not your first rodeo then.  I’m not going to find an outstanding warrant on you, am I?”

Cas shrugged coyly.  Dean wouldn’t find anything, but why ruin the mystery?  Dean opened the back door and put his hand on Cas’ head as he guided him into the backseat.  On the other side, the burly cop was doing the same for Gabriel.  The doors shut after them and they stared at the metal mesh screen in front of them.  Then they glanced at each other and burst out laughing.

“Well, that’s just bad luck,” Gabriel giggled.

“Maybe not so bad,” Castiel said.  “Hot cop totally grabbed my junk.”

“Ooo.  Looking to blackmail him to get out of this?”

“What?  No.  Looking to bang our way out of this.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes.  “Seriously, what is your deal with authority figures?”

Cas shrugged.  “Daddy issues, I guess.”

“I had the same daddy and I don’t have this fetish.”

~~~

You guys aren’t seriously going to arrest them for this, are you?” Sam asked.  “It’s just a web show.  Plus, it’ll all be on the Internet in like thirty seconds.”

“Honestly the vending machine thing we could easily let go.  But technically they did resist arrest,” Benny said.

“Benny, come on,” Sam said and put his hands on his waist.

“Don’t worry, Sammy,” Dean said.  “We’ll check to make sure they’re not wanted for any real crimes somewhere, and then we’ll drive them around a bit to scare ‘em.”

“Maybe we can drive them to Virginia and drop them off out of our jurisdiction,” Benny suggested.

“Not a bad idea.  Sam, don’t you have a class at two o’clock?  You better head on to the metro.”

Sam shook his head.  “At least get their autographs for me.”

Dean rolled his eyes and opened the driver’s side door.  Benny got in the passenger’s side and began to do a search on Gabriel and Castiel Novak on their vehicle laptop as Dean drove them down Georgia Avenue toward the ramp for the beltway.

“Interesting,” Benny mused.  “They both have arrest records.”

“Do they now,” Dean said and glanced at them in the rearview mirror.  The ringleader just seemed mighty pleased with himself.  Castiel met his eyes in the mirror and “innocently” wetted his lips.  Dean looked away.  He’d already crossed the “beyond inappropriate” line with the guy.  He was going to behave from now on.

“Breaking and entering, public indecency, contributing to the delinquency of a minor…”

“I never corrupted a minor!” Gabriel scoffed.

“I think that was me,” Castiel said.  “Remember, five years ago when—”

“Yeah, yeah.  Since when are seventeen year olds children anyway?”

“Looks like they were never convicted on anything,” Benny said, sounding disappointed.

“Luck of the Irish,” Gabriel said.

“We’re mostly Scandinavian,” Castiel commented dryly.

“Europe is Europe.”

“Oh, I love this part,” Benny said as they drove onto the Beltway.  “Everybody slows down from eighty to sixty because the cops are out.”

Dean laughed and maneuvered the car to one over from the “fast lane,” just to leave a little temptation for the drivers behind them.

“Such an abuse of power,” Gabriel murmured.

“I’d be totally offended if we weren’t white,” Castiel chimed in.

“Hush,” Benny said, mostly ignoring them.

“Hey, where are you taking us?” Gabriel demanded.  “Is that a bridge?”

“Relax,” Dean said.  “We’re helping you out with your show. Surely there are some asinine laws you can break in Virginia.”

“Well we have researched—”  Gabriel cut off.  He leaned over suddenly and started whispering in his brother’s ear.  Castiel twitched and tried to get away—it looked like Gabriel’s whispering was tickling his ear.

“Knock it off back there!” Benny said and smacked a hand against the grate separating the front from the back.  “This is far enough, Dean.  Take that exit.  There’s a gas station right off the ramp.  It’s set back from the road a bit, but it’s there.”

Dean followed Benny’s instructions and found the off brand gas station behind a small, scrubby set of trees.  Cars from the highway could be seen flashing through the thin woods in a blur.  It looked like the kind of place travelers stopped at just before they disappeared and were never heard from again in horror movies.

Dean opened the door on Castiel’s side and Benny opened Gabriel’s.  The small man jumped out with a desperate squeak.

“Oh, great!  You assholes have triggered my irritable bowel!  I’ve gotta go!  Get these off!”  He fought the handcuffs and Benny tried to get him to hold still to unlock them.

“You gonna get out?” Dean asked Castiel, though he was distracted by watching Gabriel’s and Benny’s odd dance.

“I’m stuck.”

Dean looked down at him.  “What?”

“The cuffs.  They’re caught on something.  I can’t get out.”

“There’s nothing back there to get caught on.”

“Says you!  I can’t move!”

“Oh my God!  It’s coming out, it’s coming out!”  Gabriel crossed his hands behind his butt and started hop-skipping toward the gas station store.  Benny took off after him.

“Come back, you runt!”

“Benny!” Dean called, but the man chased Gabriel inside the store.

“Get me out of here!” Castiel yelled.

Dean groaned and leaned over into the car and pulled on the man’s arm.  He didn’t move.  He pulled harder.  Damn.  Was he actually caught on something?  He leaned over Castiel to look behind his back.

“Whoa!” Castiel said as he lost his balance and started to slip back.  Dean braced a hand to keep them from sliding down onto the seat, but then Castiel’s leg hooked both of his and he fell forward with an “oof.”  He flailed an arm and his hat came off.  The two of them struggled on the seat that wasn’t really big enough for them both and then suddenly the door slammed shut.  Dean stopped moving and sat up.  He looked behind them.  The door was shut.  He looked forward, that door was shut too.  The doors that couldn’t be opened from the inside.

“Whoops,” Castiel said.  “I think my foot caught on the handle.”

Dean turned a glare on him.  He moved to sit on the seat and shoved Castiel’s legs out of his way as he pointlessly tried to open the door.  He jiggled the handle and sighed in annoyance.  Benny and Gabriel were nowhere to be seen.

“You should put this back on,” Castiel said.

Dean turned to find Castiel holding out his hat with his cuffed hands.

“I—hey.  Weren’t your hands behind your back?”

Castiel smiled and swiftly threw a leg over Dean’s so that he could settle in his lap.  He put Dean’s hat on his head for him.

“I’m double jointed,” he murmured, letting his cuffed hands fall behind Dean’s neck.  “I can get into all kinds of interesting positions,” he added as a whisper against Dean’s lips.

“N-no,” Dean said weakly.  “There’s no way I’m—”

Dean grabbed Castiel and kissed him roughly.  The deviant in his lap responded enthusiastically.  Dean grabbed Castiel’s hips and pulled him down onto his growing erection.  He was so getting fired.  The car’s camera was facing the other direction but there was no mistaking the sounds they were making.

“O-Officer Winche-chester,” Castiel whimpered softly and Dean forgot about the camera completely.

~~~

“You don’t know what it’s like,” Gabriel said as he wadded up more toilet paper, got it wet, and then let it drop with small plops into the toilet bowl.  “Living with this sort of thing?  You never know when it’s going to hit.”

“Well,” the cop said, sounding disgusted.  “At least it doesn’t smell too bad.”

“Because I’ve had nothing but sugar today!  But you give me a nice kale salad.  Or a chimichunga.  It’s a different story, my friend.”

“I’m not your friend and would you hurry up and give me my cuffs back?  How are you even going to wipe with your hands behind your back?”

Gabriel chuckled and flushed the toilet.  He opened the door and held out the handcuffs to Benny.

“I managed,” he said smugly and stepped to the sink to wash his hands.

“How did you…” Benny said in confusion, holding the cuffs by the tips of his index and middle fingers.  “Never mind.”  He stuffed the cuffs into the clip on his belt.  “You and your brother and the rest of your crew stay down here and bother the great commonwealth of Virginia instead.”

Gabriel’s smile widened as he wiped his hands off on a paper towel.  “Knowing my little brother, he’s taking care of that right now.”

Benny’s eyes widened.  “What are you—”

He turned to run out the door.

“I wouldn’t if I were you!” Gabriel’s voice stopped him.  “Or, at least give it five more minutes.”

Benny glared at him.  “I’m not leaving my partner out there to deal with your brother’s attempts at seducing him.”

Gabriel snorted.  “Please.  Like Cas needs that much time to seduce him.  I’m just saying wait so that you don’t get front row seats to the money shot, if you know what I mean.”

Benny looked confused for a moment and then made a face.  Once again he moved for the door, but then he hesitated.  He glanced back at Gabriel with a look of pained questioning on his face.  Gabriel nodded and tapped his wrist even though he wore no watch.

“Just give it another minute or two.”

~~~

Castiel panted harshly and tried to sit up, but he had gone completely boneless on top of Dean.  He hadn’t been expecting it to be that good.  If Dean’s soft moan was any indication, it had been a bit of a surprise for him as well.  Castiel swallowed, a little thirsty from his exertions, and started to breathe through his nose again.  He did manage to lift his head and look down at the officer’s bright green though slightly glazed eyes.  He wondered if he looked a little out of it too.  Then those eyes fell to Cas’ lips.  Cas had no choice but to lean forward and kiss him.  Dean’s hands pressed against his back and Cas managed to get his fingers in Dean’s hair even though he was still cuffed.

One of the backseat doors opened.

“Dean!  You okay?”

They both started and then Dean fumbled to turn them slightly away from Benny and Gabriel who were peering in at them.  He quickly stuffed everything back where it belonged and zipped them up.  Castiel noticed Gabriel’s phone was out.  He was probably recording the whole thing.

“This is great!” Gabriel laughed.  “Officer Dean, do you know that in Virginia it is a class four misdemeanor to have any kind of sex with someone you’re not married to?”

Dean’s eyes widened.  Then he looked at Cas.

“You did this for a bit?”

“N-no…”

Dean shoved Cas off his lap and onto the seat.  He checked the front of his uniform, which was unstained because Cas had been nice enough to take the hit, so to speak.  Dean got out of the car and Cas followed after him.

“You even think about putting that on the Internet,” Benny said to Gabriel in a menacing voice, “you better not act surprised when some other cop finds twenty kilos of coke in the trunk of your car.  Got it?”

Gabriel put his phone away.  “Got it,” he said, slight unease in his voice.

Dean pulled out his handcuff key and grumbled to himself as he unlocked Cas.

“There.  Now you two can—”

Dean cut off in surprise as Castiel circled his hands around Dean’s neck.  He met his confused eyes for a moment and then kissed him sweetly on the lips.

“Ask for my phone number, Officer.  And then let me know what time you’re picking me up for dinner.”

Dean’s mouth moved soundlessly for a moment and Cas could see him looking at Benny for help.  Then he looked back at Cas.

“Um.  Castiel.  Can I have your phone number?”

“Of course, Dean.”

“And…I’ll pick you up for dinner at seven?”

Cas smiled.  “I’ll see you then.”  He released Dean and used the pen in his uniform’s pocket to write his number on Dean’s hand.  “Oh, and don’t worry about the dashboard cam.  My cousin can hack the feed.”

“Now that actually _is_ illegal,” Benny said as he watched the Novak brothers saunter to the gas station store.  He looked at Dean.  “What the fuck just happened?”

Dean shrugged a shoulder and put out a hand in confusion.  “I’m not sure, but apparently I have a date with a criminal.”


End file.
